I finally feel like I’m getting somewhere all because of this:

An open journal with sketches and scribbles. I know it must be silly, but I feel like one of those geniuses on shows who have giant walls of formulas. This is my wall of formulas. It’s not exactly a wall, but it is formulas. I’ve been doing trigonometry all day. Well, more like basic trigonometry. Just splitting up a circle. Coded what I needed on paper first and then in Objective-C. Had a few bugs at first, but it worked!! Worked on it until it was time to stop to watch The Flash.

Today was also the first time I forked a Github repository. Didn’t know it was that easy! I’m working on a circular menu that I found. The original can do 1-6 buttons in a fixed circle, but I want to do as many buttons as you want and from any angle to any other angle (so not necessarily in a full circle). I’ve done it already, but I think another way would make more sense so I’ll be reformulating my code.

A lot of motivation is in me right now. I decided to start doing crunches again — only way for me to lose my center. I’m also reaching for the pull-up bar in my parents’ room. Aiming to be Oliver Queen after five years on an island.

I think all of this motivation is coming from the sandwiches I’m cooking up. I’m making these massive sandwiches for lunch and the taste lingers in my mouth all the way to nightfall. It’s what gets me up in the morning and what gets me to bed. I know that tomorrow is a day I can look forward to because I’m gonna make me a sandwich.

I put EVERYTHING into my sandwiches and it is a scrumptious mess. Ingredients include: Screen Shot 2016-02-24 at 11.27.16 AM

  • Cheese
  • Grilled Chicken
  • Bacon
  • Black Pepper
  • Ketchup
  • Roast Beef
  • Chicken Breast
  • Turkey Breast
  • Ranch Dressing
  • Lettuce

Had Costco seaweed salad added the other week. Sad that there’s no more, but the bacon makes up for it.

I think I’m beginning an addiction to sandwiches.  Or sandwiches are a healthy thing and not an “addiction.”

Some days I would rather sit and do nothing, but other days I would rather be occupied and coding. I guess I chose the right field to get into.

soupy twist!


Limitations are my greatest fears.

Being unable to do something that I want to do.

In all aspects of life, I try not to live by limitations. From the way that I dress to the way that I am. But these things are easy (if you have the mental strength). But when it comes to limitations in intelligence… that’s where it’s not so easy. I’m just scared that even though I want to learn how to do something, I won’t be able to because I’m not smart enough. There are a lot of programming geniuses, and I don’t think I’m one of them. That won’t stop me from pursuing a programming path, but it can be discouraging at times. Can I do more than I already am? I certainly do enjoy learning Computer Science (more areas of it than I thought), but do I have the brain to become a highly-skilled programmer that knows the best practices of programming? Does it just take experience? Or is it more than that? I just know I will make a lot of mistakes as I already have. I learn from mistakes. I learn from bugs. When you make a mistake, you know that next time you do not make that mistake again. I’ve always considered this the way of learning programming. But do all programmers learn this way? Or are there some that are innately good programmers? Is that possible? Maybe they’ve just had more experience? I started programming in Grade 11 and some have started at a much younger age.

I’m just not sure if I can ever reach that level.

I’m writing my first app right now and I’m scared. I’m scared that even if I do write my own app, I won’t be good enough to be able to have a job writing apps. So scared that I’m coding much less than I can. Sometimes, well a lot of the times, I put things off because I fear that I will find out that I can’t actually do it. I end up not doing things so I don’t have to find out that I can’t actually do it. I think this is one of my greatest weaknesses because I end up not ever knowing if I can do something. I miss out on opportunities to find out that I actually CAN do something. Most of the time I find that I’m not very good at the things that I try. I’m just okay at it. Maybe I’ve been going at it the wrong way? Everyone starts out being sucky at what they do, right? If you don’t continue learning and growing, you will never be good at something. I think elementary/secondary school taught me that if you’re good at something, it will be easy. EVERYTHING was easy back then. The only thing I wasn’t good at was music and gym. I was even good at science, even though I disliked it. But this gave me the wrong sense of something. It made me think that if something was difficult, I would never be able to be skilled in it. If you’re good at it, you like it. If you’re bad at it, you don’t. I don’t think this is right. Programming takes a lot of learning, and it’s difficult at first. It still is difficult. It’s difficult to become highly skilled because of how much there is to learn. I guess it’s just discouraging. It leaves you with a sense of hopelessness as you are learning.

I guess I should accept the fact that I’m gonna start out as a really bad programmer and then grow from there.

With that thought out, I’m going to be quitting movies and most TV and dedicate more time to making apps. I think even if I mess up the structure of my app, making a working app with a bad structure means I have code that can be copied and pasted elsewhere. I think this is the beauty of object-oriented programming. You have individual classes that don’t depend on each other A LOT. So you can change one class without a chain of changes.

I have several things I am working on: my website, Ben 10 Omnitrix bracelet, Martin Manhunter bracelet pattern, keyboard stickers, stickers, and cleaning up my computers. I think I will hold off on all of them and focus on finishing my app by the end of the month.

A fun idea popped up while I was writing my newsletter: every day of the last month of this term, I will learn something for the day. For example, I would really like to learn how movie CGI works so I could spend a full day learning that. I also wanna learn soldering, amigurumi, how networks work, etc.

I also need to spend a week putting content onto my website. I have years of stuff to put on there like my art, my crafts, etc.

I know I will continue to waste a lot of time on other things, but hopefully I can spend more time on making my first app. This first app is a huge step. If I can accomplish this one step, I will be able to walk.

soupy twist!

Goals: Conclusion

Yes, yes, yes!!

Daily goals definitely squeeze the most productivity out of me.

My calendar is empty, but I’m doing so much.

Screen Shot 2016-02-01 at 2.22.58 PMI am almost done iOS Programming: The Big Nerd Ranch Guide. About a week left and I can start making my own apps. The book has given me so much knowledge! I’ve built many of their apps. The big one is Homepwner where you can add a list of items in your home in case a fire burns them all. I’ve learned how to make the data persistent between application runs. It’s all really cool.

Another app is TouchTracker. It’s a drawing app. Learned gestures with this one.

Screen Shot 2016-02-01 at 2.26.01 PM

I’ve been setting a lot of different goals every day and I’m getting a lot done. For example, it takes less than a day for laundry to get done from when I decide to do laundry. I put it on my to-do list for the day, and it gets done. It’s like magic (but not really)!

I’ve also been really strict about my physical activity. 4555 steps per day and if I don’t meet it, +111 steps for the step goal – permanently (I started with 4444). I also have to do either DDR, treadmill, or crunches. Haven’t done crunches once! But I’ve been on the treadmill every day because it’s the easiest to start doing. Sometimes I get on there and I’m jogging, and I can’t stop! I’ll jog for 20 minutes straight and be like: “WHO AM I?!?” (because I am an actual potato). Screen Shot 2016-02-01 at 2.28.40 PM.png

My main hobby right now is making DIY stickers. I make precise measurements, Photoshop, print on shipping labels, apply magic tape, and cut. BAM! Lots of cool stickers are created. I realized that I really enjoy making DIY anything because it allows my mind to imagine what I could make with materials that I have or could have. I started making stickers for my keyboard. Only did 1 key so far, but will do more!!!


I am really excited to be making more stickers and to start making my own apps! I’ve got so many ideas lined up (for both).

soupy twist!


What was I thinking? I need to stop treating this time off as a job. A set schedule won’t motivate me for long. I only lasted two days with the new schedule. Every “work” hour was filled with anticipation for the break hour. And every break was unnecessarily long.

Life has been dull for the past two weeks. The first week was fine because I was working on my website. I was doing something. I set goals and I just kept going. That’s what I need to be doing now. I need to set goals and strive to finish them. That’s how I function. That’s what gives me a sense of accomplishment. That’s how I get high on life. Nothing beats watching a season of a TV show in a day or two. I set a goal to finish as fast as I can and I do it. That’s what makes me happy.

So I need to set seemingly impossible goals to create a challenge for myself. A challenge is better than taking it slow. When you take it slow with no checkpoints in mind, everything just seems meh. Life needs to be an infinite amount of levels that you complete. Life is a game. Get addicted. Play till it’s game over.

I’ve been doing it all wrong. That saying about loving what you do and you’ll never work a day in your life. I’ve been trying to make what I love to do into work. It’s all wrong!! I just need to do what I love and let that grow. Maybe it will evolve into “work”, maybe it won’t. I’m still an egg. When I hatch, I may be an ordinary duckling who will become an ordinary duck, or I could be the ugly duckling that does so much more. Let’s hope I’m the ugly duckling.

I told myself I didn’t need to set chapter goals for reading this book, but I think I do. Yes, it’s difficult to set realistic goals, but maybe what I need isn’t realistic goals. I’m supposed to push myself, right? I didn’t take a term off so I could have my last summer break. I took it so I could get somewhere in life. This is my last chance to ready myself for the world. I don’t want to be late to the game. I want to be ready and fully capable to take on anything. “That’s what co-op is for.” Well, if you’re going to rely on something that depends on yourself, then… I don’t know. I can’t take that risk. If I don’t put myself ahead of the game, I fear I may never even get into the game. So this is why I’m here. This is why I’m not in school, I’m not working. I’m just here in my room. Late at night. Reflecting on my mistakes, on who I am, and on who I am going to be.

I’ve been empty for a while now. Hoping that someone would drag me out of this hopelessness. That someone would motivate me. But that someone is me. No one is going to save me. I was Harry Potter on the opposite side of the lake, thinking that someone else would come save me. But, no, it wasn’t James Potter, it was me all along.

I need to stop “working” and be Steve Jobs in his garage.

Deep down, I know I can do something with my life. The power is in me, I just need to learn how to use it. I won’t just know how, I have to learn how. All the greatest superheroes had to go through so much shit to harness their power. It’s my turn now.

And it’s good to be frustrated. It means you have a problem that you need to fix and you will do whatever it takes to solve it. I need to always remember this. FRUSTRATION IS GOOD!

If you’re not killing yourself trying, you’re not trying at all.

soupy twist.


We got ourselves a 2nd app!

I am now on Chapter 5 of iOS Programming: The Big Nerd Ranch Guide. They taught how to make the circles in Chapter 4 and now how to change the colour of the circles when the screen is tapped.

So when you tap anywhere, the colour changes. Pretty cool!!

I was getting frustrated because it wasn’t working since the book was written for Xcode 5 and I’m using Xcode 7. It was also hard to find a solution since the people asking questions online for Xcode 7 are using Swift instead of Objective-C. But I found the solution on the Big Nerd Ranch Forums. Then it just worked!

Screen Shot 2016-01-19 at 3.59.14 PM

I have a long way to go, but I’m learning so much day by day.

soupy twist!


I made my first finished app! Complete with icons and a launch screen. It successfully works on my iPod.


I also found out that Apple Developer membership is NOT free. What is free is getting it onto your device which is pretty awesome too. I thought I was free from the $99, but I was wrong. Plus tax and the conversion rate, it’s probably $200. Oh, Canada.

And did you know that you only get 70% of the sales? For some reason I thought you got 100% of it. So for every dollar you make, you actually only make 70 cents. So it sucks to be either a woman, a Canadian, or an app developer. Triple the suck if you’re all three!

soupy twist!


So I’m at the point of procrastination.

Things are starting to get hard and my work ethic is going down.

I’ve devised a new schedule taking into account how many breaks I need throughout the day. With this model, I would get used to scattered studying. I usually do things in big chunks of time. Especially assignments and stuff. I’ll reserve several hours in a day to complete it. But I somehow end up taking breaks in between… So I guess this model should work?

Also, I feel dull not watching TV. It’s only been a week of just watching a movie a day, but I already feel lifeless. TV keeps me going because there’s more to look forward to, but films just end. The biggest problem is the dinner block since it depends on my mom. I’ll have to delay dinner until 8 if she doesn’t make it by 6:30. She’ll get mad, but I’ll stay on schedule. If I deviate from this schedule just once, it’ll break. I’ll break. Hopefully that won’t happen 🙂 …

Screen Shot 2016-01-14 at 2.22.05 PM

This only ensures 6 hours of work a day, but that’s better than doing 1-2 and then wasting the rest of the day because I don’t feel like doing more.

I’ll test this tomorrow and see if it works!

soupy twist!


It’s hard to get up in the mornings knowing that it’s another day where I have to get myself to do stuff that will benefit me in the future. It’s the fear of not knowing whether I can do something. What if I’m too stupid? What if I can’t do it? There’s another part of me saying, “You can do this. You won’t know until you try.” What if I try and I never get very far? I’ve always dabbled in things, but I’ve never been really good at one thing. I used to be good at art, until high school. I lacked the skills and technique. All I ever had was meaning in my art. It’s like having something to tell the world, but you have no idea how to express it. I suck at words. I wish I was a talented writer or something, but I can’t. If I could, I would write TV scripts. All I can do is write code. Code is logic. Code isn’t meaning. It’s you want it to do something, it does it. There is no such thing as sophisticated syntax. There is no thesaurus for code. It is what it is. There’s clean code, but that’s so it’s easier to read for yourself and others — purely logical to do. The problem with programming is that you have to do so much to create something. Yes, you can write code, but even if you write hundreds of lines, it does so little. If you’re working for a company, you only write a small part. It’s nothing like writing an entire TV episode or an entire film.

I guess what I’m trying to do is write that entire film by myself. But programming is way different than writing. Writing, you need a pen, paper, and talent. Coding, you need a language, skills, and experience. You have to learn so much in order to produce something. You can’t just be sitting in a coffee shop and let your imagination run. There’s two parts of me: the logical and the creative. Math and Art were my favourite subjects growing up. Tell me to choose between the two and I can’t tell you. To me, programming is the combination of the two. You need the logic to create something, and then the art to make it useful and worth something to someone. The problem I face is the first part. The logic. The knowledge. Before I can get creative, I have to be purely logical. If I don’t produce the structure, how can I add all the pretty things to it? I don’t know. It’s just my dilemma. Me telling myself I can do it just isn’t enough. My biggest motivators are my parents, but they can’t even begin to understand the stuff I’m trying to do.

I completed my website last week, but mainly because it was CSS. The javascript parts were fun because it pertained to how it looked. I love coding websites because you get to see what you make immediately. I love that. I guess I’m more of a front-end developer when it comes to web. I also feel like because I did so much last week, I don’t have to do that much this week… I took a nap yesterday after two hours of Stanford’s CS193p lectures and then didn’t do anything for the rest of the day. I said I would make up the 1 hour and 15 minutes I skipped out on last week on the weekend, but I never did. When I break rules, I tend to break more. I am disciplined until I am not.

This week, I hope to at least understand the way Objective-C works. I’m really not used to the syntax. I don’t know why they changed the syntax from C so much. It will take time, but my brain will wrap around that syntax like the Scranton Strangler. Also, I need to re-design my resume. My resume is literally from a template that I copied in Grade 10 for Careers class. I don’t know how I got jobs with that thing. I know I’m not going for UI jobs, but I think an attractive resume wouldn’t hurt.


soupy twist!