Month: May 2017

Potential

First day of lectures. Woke up at 6. Tim Horton’s opens at 7:30. Classes start at 10:00, end at 12:30. Rest of the day – wasting time.

Being back in a pool of people that make me average… it’s a weird feeling. After 8 months of doing something I absolutely love, it doesn’t feel great to be back in school. I love studying at university, especially the computer science and social science courses. This term is just different. There aren’t that many courses to take. The psych courses I want to take just for fun (they don’t count towards my minor), conflict with Intro to Anthropology, which is something I do want to take. It’s sort of my replacement for a psych course. It will be sad with the lack of a psychology course. To add onto that, there was no fifth course I wanted to take. All of the electives I wanted to take (legal studies, sociology, classical mythology) are only offered online. I feel like online courses are useless because you have to learn it yourself. It’s not the same as a professor lecturing you. There’s no spirit in it. No motivation. Just resources to help you learn. If I wanted to take an online course, I’d just find free resources online to learn that thing. I’m very against online courses. I took one for Digital Imaging and all I did was the assignments – I barely watched the $30 Lynda tutorials. It was basically: force yourself to create something with these constraints. So I looked through all of the courses and found Introductory Astronomy. I had actually planned on taking it until today. The big dealbreaker was that there are mandatory online quizzes that you have to pay to have access to. I do not want to support a professor who chooses to do that. It’s $50 for quizzes that make up 20% of your mark. That’s a no-no. Plus you have to buy the textbook. $40 for loose leaf! $130 for paperback! That’s insane. A fifth course gets a discount of about 50% off, but if it’s a course I don’t really¬†want to take, I’m just going to pass. $690 for a course + unfair costs is a definite no for me. I think I can die without knowing a thing about astronomy. With the lack of a fifth course, I will have more time to master my other 4 courses and spend time on PoopTracker.
I did some coding today for PoopTracker. I didn’t feel comfortable doing it. It must have been the high seats I was on. Legs were uncomfortable. I guess I’ll need to find a couch.
I’ve never done just 4 courses. This will be an interesting term. I like how much I have to grind for 5 courses. I think I will keep the same level of grind by forcing myself to do a lot of iOS development. I need to release PoopTracker this term. I need to show something. I need to show the world.
I have to look for a new job this term. I have the choice of going back to the place I felt comfortable in for 8 months. But that would mean settling down before I got to spread my wings and fly.

If you love someone, set them free. If they come back, they’re yours. If they don’t, they never were.

This is kind of the principle I’m applying here. Except I’m saying it for the company about me. I need to explore the world before I go back. If I never go back, then I’ve found something better. I need to aim better. I feel like I can. I’m full of insecurities, especially among my peers here, but I need to push through those insecure thoughts and reach for the stars. I need to at least try. Staying at the same company while I’m in co-op would be like dating someone in high school and then just settling down with them even if you’ve never felt like they were your soulmate.
I have potential. I just need to show the world and myself.
I need to focus on iOS. Yes, I’m taking interesting CS courses, but those are secondary to my iOS career. I know what I want to focus on as a career! University is just fun now. It’s also my time to spend on my own projects. I need to spend my time wisely. I miss working, but this is a great opportunity to get my own work done.
School makes me feel a lot. I love it and I hate it. It’s dangerous. It’s exhilarating. It’s a push that I never asked for, but desperately needed.
Ah, feelings.