Month: September 2016

Lost

So I started watching Lost, but that’s not what this is about.

I’ve been feeling lost lately. I’ve lost all sense of who I really am. I’ve just become everyone else. It’s this fear of being judged. I’m caring too much about what other people think. I’ve gone back to that teenage mindset. That social anxiety. I want to say things, but then I fear that it may sound wrong or be said at the wrong time. I end up saying nothing at all.

Well, it’s time to stop giving fucks about what other people think. I need to really get this ingrained inside my membrane. When I stopped caring about grades, my grades got better. When I stop caring about what others think of me, people will think of me better? Well, I don’t know about that, but I’ll certainly feel better about myself. The fear of not living up to expectations could be¬†what’s making me not live up to expectations. Self-fulfilling prophecy, yo.

When it comes to strangers, I think I don’t care as much as I used to. But when it comes to people who I don’t really know yet because that relationship hasn’t been able to form, I care way too much. It’s a hindrance. I need to speak my mind and really stop caring what people will think when I do.

I must die and be reborn again.

I should probably cut my hair. That always helps with reasserting my identity. It definitely changed Felicity.