Limitations are my greatest fears.

Being unable to do something that I want to do.

In all aspects of life, I try not to live by limitations. From the way that I dress to the way that I am. But these things are easy (if you have the mental strength). But when it comes to limitations in intelligence… that’s where it’s not so easy. I’m just scared that even though I want to learn how to do something, I won’t be able to because I’m not smart enough. There are a lot of programming geniuses, and I don’t think I’m one of them. That won’t stop me from pursuing a programming path, but it can be discouraging at times. Can I do more than I already am? I certainly do enjoy learning Computer Science (more areas of it than I thought), but do I have the brain to become a highly-skilled programmer that knows the best practices of programming? Does it just take experience? Or is it more than that? I just know I will make a lot of mistakes as I already have. I learn from mistakes. I learn from bugs. When you make a mistake, you know that next time you do not make that mistake again. I’ve always considered this the way of learning programming. But do all programmers learn this way? Or are there some that are innately good programmers? Is that possible? Maybe they’ve just had more experience? I started programming in Grade 11 and some have started at a much younger age.

I’m just not sure if I can ever reach that level.

I’m writing my first app right now and I’m scared. I’m scared that even if I do write my own app, I won’t be good enough to be able to have a job writing apps. So scared that I’m coding much less than I can. Sometimes, well a lot of the times, I put things off because I fear that I will find out that I can’t actually do it. I end up not doing things so I don’t have to find out that I can’t actually do it. I think this is one of my greatest weaknesses because I end up not ever knowing if I can do something. I miss out on opportunities to find out that I actually CAN do something. Most of the time I find that I’m not very good at the things that I try. I’m just okay at it. Maybe I’ve been going at it the wrong way? Everyone starts out being sucky at what they do, right? If you don’t continue learning and growing, you will never be good at something. I think elementary/secondary school taught me that if you’re good at something, it will be easy. EVERYTHING was easy back then. The only thing I wasn’t good at was music and gym. I was even good at science, even though I disliked it. But this gave me the wrong sense of something. It made me think that if something was difficult, I would never be able to be skilled in it. If you’re good at it, you like it. If you’re bad at it, you don’t. I don’t think this is right. Programming takes a lot of learning, and it’s difficult at first. It still is difficult. It’s difficult to become highly skilled because of how much there is to learn. I guess it’s just discouraging. It leaves you with a sense of hopelessness as you are learning.

I guess I should accept the fact that I’m gonna start out as a really bad programmer and then grow from there.

With that thought out, I’m going to be quitting movies and most TV and dedicate more time to making apps. I think even if I mess up the structure of my app, making a working app with a bad structure means I have code that can be copied and pasted elsewhere. I think this is the beauty of object-oriented programming. You have individual classes that don’t depend on each other A LOT. So you can change one class without a chain of changes.

I have several things I am working on: my website, Ben 10 Omnitrix bracelet, Martin Manhunter bracelet pattern, keyboard stickers, stickers, and cleaning up my computers. I think I will hold off on all of them and focus on finishing my app by the end of the month.

A fun idea popped up while I was writing my newsletter: every day of the last month of this term, I will learn something for the day. For example, I would really like to learn how movie CGI works so I could spend a full day learning that. I also wanna learn soldering, amigurumi, how networks work, etc.

I also need to spend a week putting content onto my website. I have years of stuff to put on there like my art, my crafts, etc.

I know I will continue to waste a lot of time on other things, but hopefully I can spend more time on making my first app. This first app is a huge step. If I can accomplish this one step, I will be able to walk.

soupy twist!


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